Today I had a moment of remembrance and wanted to write a letter to you so I’d never forget the joy, the promise, and the ache of our lives coming together.
One year ago I sat in church wearing a creme and green colored dress while worship commenced. In the middle of a worship song I put my head down and sobbed so deeply my chest shook. I didn’t think I would be ready or know how to deal with a life with two kids and convinced myself I didn’t need you guys. Even while Daddy tried asking me questions, I couldn’t answer him and resorted to shaking my head from side to side and whispering, I can’t do this. I just can’t do this.
That morning I met you, Daddy, and Ryen at Starbucks before church. You were making a mess with your glazed donut while demanding more milk. You cried out vehemently you hated church and didn’t want to go to Sunday school. Ryen fell off the leather chair when you pushed her and the entire store stared at us condescendingly. I looked at you in disbelief; how could a child could be so broken and ruthless—yet simultaneously innocent?
Worship music played. The congregation sang. I sat and sobbed. I had to break up with Daddy because I couldn’t see my life with you and Ryen in it.
Today I sat in church after checking you into Sunday school and kissing your cheek. Worship commenced and something felt vaguely familiar. I looked down and noticed the same creme and green dress I wore a year ago while worship commenced. In the middle of a worship song I put my head down and breathed deeply as I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Worship music played. The congregation sang. I sat and cried. But this time I grabbed Daddy’s hand and placed my head on his shoulder.
I straightened out my dress and laughed to myself because so much has changed in one year except for my wardrobe. You were the child who hated Sunday school a year ago. Now you remind me to pray before going to church, you recount the Sunday school lesson about Moses, and you tell me you love me while eating cookies after dinner.
We’ve made it one month together and I hope we can make it one more. And one more. And one more. I’m not your mommy, but I love you as if you were my own child. Please continue to remind me to pray, teach me new things, and tell me you love me. It reminds me that not only do you need me, but I’m learning that I need you.
Love,
Your Stepmom
I love this story- what grace and change He provides! Thanks for sharing 🙂
beautiful.
Bianca, You are an amazing women! Matt, Parker and Ryen are so blessed to be your family!!!
What a sweet and endearing letter. He's going to treasure this so much. You are so beautiful, Bianca. Thank you (again and again) for being so transparent. You are truly an encouragement!
Absolutely beautiful.
Bianca, so beautifully written! Lord Bless you!
Tears filled my eyes when you wrote, "I looked down and noticed the same creme and green dress I wore a year ago while worship commenced." I love how God moves us, if we are willing. Thank you for sharing your heart. I have a wonderful step-father and he has been and continues to be a gift to the family. – Kate
This is beautiful and powerful!
Totally bawling my eyes out here. Beautiful…., appreciate your brutal honesty and so wonderful to see how things have worked out.
Thank you for sharing your heart and for your honesty. God is so gracious and faithful to work out the "stuff" in us that makes us look just a little more like Him…. and causes us to rely on Him! I will continue to uplift you in my prayers.
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BB, I just love you …
Aw!!!! Bianca, what a wonderful post and so sweet and beautiful!! I love you and hope you have a wonderful day!!! 🙂 By the way, Parker is so cute!! Stay blessed!
i'm just crying…you are an amazing woman…again…God has blessed this family with a wonderful mom/wife…but also blessed u in return with an awesome husband and 2 special children…God is good….
Bianca, I bawled my eyes out reading this post! This is redemption at its finest.
It was great meeting you briefly at Catalyst. I so hope one day we can chat one on one!
wonderfully spoken.
I vote for a new wardrobe!!!! I do take hand-me-downs ya know… jK 😉
Bianca, so many things that God does, we don't understand. I've seen miracles and trials and not one of them was out of God's will for my life. . God brings children to those who will love them and set them on His path, sometimes it's through adoption or marriage. Children through marriage might be the ONLY way some will ever have children, they may not physically be able to have children and not know it, but STILL God is faithful. It may not be nature's way, but it's God's way. God must have known that you would need them, now, just like this 🙂
Blessings to you Bianca 🙂
Corinne Noel †
Parker sounds like an amazing kid to me, and will certainly be an outstanding man because of all the people he has in his life that love him. Way to go on Parker's spiritual growth at such a young age, and making sense of it. Thank God for the creme/green dress. Thank you for this post, thank you for being real and sharing part of your life with us. We are all perfectly imperfect. xoxo Cherisse
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Wow! What an amazing post. I pray you and your family most especially your step children continue to grow in love and admiration for each other.
Thank you for allowing God to use you mightily. Thank you for blessing my life and giving me something to look forward to. I hope to meet you someday
Much Love
Dede
You just made my heart melt.
thats just beautful b. it's reasons like that that i love you. you are so pliable, teachable, and you teach us all so much by that. thanks for letting me be your friend.
s
I love it BB!! Love, love, love you! So proud of you for "putting on your big girl shoes" and choosing this path! Continuing to pray for you, Matt, the kids and this new journey for you all.
My friend sent me a quote this a.m.,“To deny oneself is to be aware only of Christ and no more of self, to see only Him who goes before and no more the road which is too hard for us.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and this post reminds me of these difficult words.
In dying to self, you gained a new (amazing!) life! Thanks for sharing your heart!!!
so sweet…
Friend! I am sooo happy and proud of you. I know it's hard but seriously worth it. You are making such a difference in their lives believe me!! Btw, tear jerker!
Ditto on jacky's comment. love this post. tear jerker.
This seriously bought tears to my eyes! It is so funny where life leads you and what you end up doing! You are one amazing women, wife and stepmum. Thank you for sharing!
SIgh, no words. thank you.
I'm two and a half years into stepmom life. Prior to getting married, I was terrified and my head was filled with tons of stepfamily horror stories. And yet, God has blessed me with a wonderful s-son who loves me as I were his own mom. He snuggles with me. Giggles at my jokes. Shares in my affinity for making weird animal noises. Loves watching America's Funniest Home videos with me. And fights his daddy for the seat beside me at church. He blesses my heart in tremendous ways. It has its challenges, but the blessing is abundant. A beautiful post.
AHH! You are so funny and sensitive at the same time. I love it. I love they way God has moved in your life and I love the way that you are able to notice the lessons out of the small things in life. You have really taught me a lot about paying attention to the small things. You're awesome!
My eyes are stinging. That was so sweet! By the way, it was really great meeting you last week.
This was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
It's funny how life can change so wonderfully in just a year's time!!! =) Thank you for sharing!!! I hope you enjoyed Atlanta! I hate we couldn't meet, but I pray you had a blessed time!!!
Oh B, this was is so beautiful.
I love you
-Jennifer Q.
Crying! Crying! You are amazing B and a blended family is just as much a blessing as a blood one. Love you and your realness 🙂
My hearts goes pitter patter. God is extremely good! Thank you, Bianca, for this beautiful heart-warming post.
Bianca, this is so special. These are the moments that really matter. And all te moments that led up to this one 🙂 so excited for you to get to take on the privilege and responsibility of raising two kids with your husband and their daddy 🙂
They are blessed to partake of Christ’s love in you and through you.
I love parker masen too!!! LOVE HIM!! give him a kiss for me! 😉
Wow! Our God has a wonderful way of changing hearts!! Beautifully written and heartfelt.
Love, Mom
Bianca,
I loved it, its amazing the things God does. I can tell you love those kids.
“Worship music played. The congregation sang. I sat and cried. But this time I grabbed Daddy’s hand and put my head on his shoulder.” that was my favorite part.
I love you, B 🙂
Recently, I thought that I would never be with a man that had kids already. My stepsister is 23 and my polar opposite. Mom and I never see her, but she seriously drives our family crazy. My stepdad acts weird toward us when he's been around her, and she has tried to take money from my mom countless times for purposes that are less than legitimate and my stepdad won't believe a word of it. In short, she's put a huge burden on us and she's a grown woman with her own child! I just didn't want anything to do with that in my own life.
And then I had a dream in which God showed me that if I truly loved someone, and believed that he loved God and lived a godly life, then that child would have him inside and I would love the child because he or she would be an extension of the man I loved. It totally turned things around for me, and your post confirms it. Even if I don't end up with stepchildren, my heart has definitely been softened. Thanks, B 🙂
You got me again! Like I’ve said in my previous post I’m divorced and well I always thought that if that marriage didn’t work I would never get in any other relationship… yup I was wrong! God has other plans for me.
I’ve been in a relationship with a man who’s intentions I have questions so much that we are on a 5 year on and off relationship just because of my doubt. I have 2 little ones and I never understood how anyone could care for my little ones the way a biological family could. Well I finally gave up on my doubt and let God show me the way. Here I am telling you what a great man he is and waiting for the day we can continue this wonderful journey together. Its amaizing what God can do when we let Him work in our hearts.
Ana
Full circles:)
Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. Your courage and vulnerability and wisdom are so … freeing.
Children are blessings. How often do we miss out on blessings because of fear…
So glad it was not your story. So happy for you!
Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment in your life.
this is amazing biancabonks. i cant express to you how much reading this made my day. your talent for writing is impeccable.
Wow, As a Husband who married the Step – Mother of my children 3 years ago, I am going to tell her how much I appreciate her for loving me and the whole package! wow! I dedicate my gallery – Children to you. Thanks Bianca
i love this. so much.
hmm. can we see the dress? haha. kidding!
I love this bianca!!! yet again, you’ve successfully made me teary-eyed!<3
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