The Puritans who spawned our American love affair with Victorian ideals would be rollin’ in their grave in 1943 when two Frenchman, Jacques Heim and Louis Reard, created the bikini. Prior to their artistic creations, women wore a variation of a culottes in dress form [I can’t believe I mentioned culottes. Sorry, I’m from the 90s.]
Since then it’s been a cultural battle to expose more and cover less.
Don’t believe me? While in France two years ago, I sat on a public beach with my sister and brother-in-law feeling like a PRUDE because I was in one-piece swimsuit on a topless beach. Yes, topless. It wasn’t a special beach for the nude, it’s the culture. But that didn’t mean I would join the party, if you know what I’m sayin’.
With that being said, modesty is more than what we wear. It’s a condition of our heart. I’ve seen immodest women fully covered yet exude coquettish, flirtatious, and sexual behavior around men. Modesty is deeper than our attire.
And if you see me at the beach and think my swimsuit high enough in the chest or low enough at the bottom, I’m blaming the French! 😉
- Where are you from and what is acceptable?
- Does your culture contradict the instructions of parents, spouses, or friends who tell you to put more clothes on?
- How do YOU handle the issue of modesty?
I struggle with "modesty" a lot – though a man, i'm from a penticostal church where we are expected to wear a tie at the least. But living in america "helped" me understand that it really isn't about the clothes as much as it is about my heart. My actions should do the talking to represent that i "honour" god! I'm still guilty of putting on pants when dad's visiting us when we go to church but it's softened up though. WE do plan on moving to India this winter for a while so I do think I will be putting on some more "modest" clothing when I go to church. 🙂
Exactly, Josh! I love that your perspective is from an Indian background. It helps give us a wide perspective!
Oh, I LOVE this topic!!! My parents have attended the same church for their whole lives and they said that one of the biggest congregational fights was back in the 80s, when I was a wee pup, about appropriate swimwear at youth events. The fights weren't about preaching, communion, offering, etc, but about two-pieces versus one-pieces. This cracks me up!
Growing up in So Cal and attending camps with other kids from the area, we always saw a WIDE variety of attire. My church, the Evangelical Free Church, was pretty conservative and that's what I was taught and how I thought as a kid. Now, I feel bad for the girls because they're taught that their bodies are a stumbling block for boys…and I feel bad for the boys because they're taught that they can't control their own minds! Having said that, I don't know what the answer is…
I just know that it's NOT forcing the girls to wear these: http://bit.ly/mvGgV
Ha!!!
WHERE do you find this stuff?!?! You kill me 🙂
See, I'm torn because the designers of those [heinous] outfits have hearts in the right place. But then we get caught up in legalism and judgment! UGH!
I've seen those bathing-space-suits before! Heinous doesn't even begin to describe them, and I don't know how easy it would be to freestyle in the pool with one of those things zipped up…
Hi Ma'am!
I'd like to help some of my sisters out here if I may.
The Bible is actually pretty clear what the answer is and that is that women and men alike should not cause their sisters or brothers to stumble. The problem as it usually is, what do we do with that? Now it's important to know what causes the other person or in this case a man to stumble. Especially women should be humble enough to ask these questions instead of assuming you know enough about men.
Assuming for example that men can control their mind when a woman dresses sensually is like a man assuming giving birth to a child is not really that painful. We simply do not know how it is for that other person. I believe that is why we need to humble ourselves (on both sides) and be willing to learn what is necessary to take away stumbling blocks within the Church body (not only inside the four walls of it).
Now I could give more information and date and Biblical references, but much can be found in the internet already. What I would like to offer the women here is a glimpse of what a male brain does with the information shot out of a woman depending of her outfit. This is a very interesting survey started by some ministers with experience in this topic. Have a look and may you be deeply blessed by this…
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/
Growing with a very conservative mother I was never allowed to wear swimsuit, it was until I got marry that I did it and it was very awkward to me because I felt naked and expose, so I rather not to wear it because I felt so insecure with them, I do admire when I young lady knows her limits and what to wear and what not to wear, some "Christians" kids knows they are attractive therefore, they want to show the God gifted body they have to the world without thinking that they are main a mistake because they are misrepresenting the body of Christ. so I'm not judging anybody here just trying to tell that sometimes you don’t have to go to the beach to see women half naked, people at church they get dressed like that there is beach party at the church parking lot and let be honest, we are humans and I have seen my husband and other’s ladies husband turn the head around when a very sexy(hushy) lady pass by and I honestly do not blame them, I do blame the lady that decided to show off her curvy body at church.
I totally understand! I know that I've seen some head-turning-outfits on Sunday mornings that would make Hugh Hefner blush if his butt ever filled a pew!
oh modesty!
when i was 17 i took a survey of 45 guys from my community college on the issue of modesty and had intended to write a book about it… maybe someday i will 🙂 🙂 🙂
I grew up in a house where modesty was talked about a lot and finding a balance was important! I think my parents did an AWESOME job at a few specific things: A. explaining the reason for being "modest" B. NOT being legalistic about it. C. letting us figure it out sometimes!
swimsuits!? oh the never ending question of what's ok and what's not!?! i'm not going to delve too far into this one, but please check out these sites:
http://www.modestkini.com/?m=r&cat=11
http://swimmodest.com/
ok those two are a little extreme and in my opinion i would never wear them or force my daughters to. but this one:
http://www.limericki.com/browse.cfm/tankinis/2,2….
has some super cute tankinis that i would totally wear! 🙂
I totally agree with you Bianca that it's about the heart. Just because the Lord is leading one person in one direction as far as modesty goes does not mean that its "the rule" across the board. BUT let's make sure how we talk, act and live is a life that, as a whole represents Christ well!!!
I looked at those sites and yeah … i do think they are a little over the top. 😉
I would absolutely love to learn to swim but the reason I don't take lessons or go to a pool is because I haven't found swimwear I feel comfortable wearing.
I am from a very conservative culture. I think that modesty is not wearing specifically THIS or THAT. But I do think it needs to be a way of life, and not something that you lay aside when you are at the beach or on vacation. (as many tend to do from my culture)
Great discussion, thank you for daring to bring it up 🙂
The first link sells swim attire that was created for Muslim women in France after a (Muslim) woman was literally kicked out of a public pool for being covered up and not wearing an actual swim suit. The claim was that she was required to wear proper swimwear for hygiene/public health reasons… and someone jumped at the chance of making, marketing and selling these radical swimsuits.
A friend of mine's boyfriend wrote a note on facebook a while ago about modesty for women. Something he said really stuck with me. That we shouldnt be modest just because exposing ourselves isn't Godly. We should be modest in our dress and attitude because we have the ability to make men of the faith fall into sin. Men can do the same thing for women, but this particular note was about women. And also if that happens, of course part of it is that man's fault. BUT- I personally do not want to be a part of helping anyone sin. That means wearing appropriate clothing and behaving like I would if Jesus were around. Which He is 🙂 Im from the US where it is getting more and more "awesome" to wear next to nothing. Its definitely frustrating!
what a great topic. i personally, am a bit modest and prefer to be covered up more than others. i live in hawaii and so you can imagine how surrounded we are with full beaches 🙂 i just choose to wear surf shorts and a long swim top and i'm fine. my concern comes less about what i feel appropriate for me, but my KIDS!!! i have 3 girls, 7, 3 and 1. my oldest is at an age that she is aware of her body and prefers a 2 piece as she likes her tummy showing, etc.–YIKES! i was not like that, that i recall, so i am in a place where i am trying to explain to her that we need to respect our bodies etc. if you have any suggestions for a 7 yo, i'll take 'em! i try to set an example, but with all our surroundings, it can be hard, but i suppose nothing's easy and raising a respectful, honest, Christian girl these days can be a huge challenge, and i've got 3! i just pray God gives me the wisdom to say/do the things required to help them become the young women he intended 🙂 thanks bianca!
P.S. I don't purchase the swimsuits they've been handed down, maybe i should just decline the 2 piece sets and stick to the single piece suits!
Such a Cali girl and loving this hot/rainy weather!!!
But unfortunately, as american girls we tend to wear sexy/ revealing cloth all the time even in winter…I agree with the fact that modesty is deeper, but I also wonder if some ladies left that somewhere deep in the closet when they get dressed up for church. The beach is one thing and two pieces I'm all for it, but church is another. Yes, it feals like its schorching HOT outside, but Theres girls' that wear teany tiny skirts and tops that I would have worn to clubs a few years ago. And they also tend to pull up their tops and down their skirt every 5 sec. They don't even feel comfortable…And I'm sorry, but I do feel some ladies make men stumble with what they wear.
I think there is a balance…i'm pretty modest…i have three boys (one of them going into high school) and I am so freaked out about the lack of modesty with the teenage girls these days so we do have lots of conversations about respect….can i say that my husband is ultra conservative and modest when it comes to what a girl should wear (like pretty extreme), so that being said I am soooooooo glad we didn't have a girl because there would have been lots of fights later down the road if we did:)
have a great weekend!!
I agree that culture and locale have a lot to do with views of modesty, and so we need to extend grace, rather than judgment as much as possible.
At the same time, I am fed up with the sexualization of our children here in the U.S. – our girls in particular – which is happening at younger and younger ages. It takes intentionality to combat the DAILY messages they are receiving in the world around them. No, you don't have to wear a potato sack to be modest, but I think we begin teaching values of modesty at a young age – well before they are making their own choices about clothing.
My daughter is 5. She wears a one-piece suit that is pink, slightly glittery, and has colorful butterflies on it … and an adorable little ruffle around the waist. 🙂 I was teased that her suit "looked like a baby suit." ??? What?! What's wrong with a FIVE year old looking young? What makes it a "baby" suit? And besides, I'd much rather my 5yo look YOUNGER, rather than OLDER in terms of swimwear. (Plus, this was her suit when she was 4 as well – it has lasted 2 summers.)
(continued … I always have way too much to say, haha)
Just yesterday, as she and I were snuggling/tickling together on the couch, my shirt got pulled down in the front. I pulled it back up. She said, pulling my shirt back down a bit, "Mommy, do some ladies wear their shirts like this, showing the tops of their boobs?" WOW. Five years old, but paying CLOSE attention to how women dress and what they expose!!! I couldn't believe it. It led to a great conversation about our bodies, what modesty is, and why it's best to do our best to keep ourselves appropriately covered.
It starts young … both the assault on our girls and their body image, and the need for teaching them self-respect and respect for people around them.
I could go on and on … it's a topic I'm passionate about … 😉
This is a great subject, Bianca!
I cannot completely agree that modesty should be defined by locale. Sure many African women are topless day to day – it is the norm there. It is part of their culture and I can understand that. However, in the US especially where breasts and butts are so sexualized, I think its necessary that while you look into your heart take a look at your clothes too. Does a bikini really make a trip to the beach that much more fun? In other words, is it necessary? I understand people’s views of being happy, comfortable and proud of the bodies the Lord has given us, BUT unfortunately it isn’t all about us women. There are individuals out there who may not have complete control over their imaginations, and when they see women dressed in swim suits that leave little to nothing to the imagination their minds can then freely take them to the next thing – unpure thoughts. I realize that this may be just a traditional Catholic view (unfortunately, I’m not too familiar with other Christian beliefs) but that would be an accessory to a sin. I personally would feel such guilt if I knew that I may have ‘helped’ someone in that way.
I am a young mother of three, including a little four year old girl. I couldn’t believe it when I realized that over half of the swim suits for girls and babies sold at the big box stores like Target and Old Navy are bikinis. Personally it just seems completely inappropriate for young girls. Reason being that it is no secret the amount of perverts out there. Not only that, but I know that I would not be comfortable with her dressed in a bikini as a tween or teen, so I can desensitize her to them now. So I dress my little girl in a cute little one piece, and just pray that it’s enough to keep wanderings eyes off of her.
Bianca,
I don't think that culture matters that much. Just because one culture deems something is okay, or appropriate, doesn't mean that it's right in God's eyes.
For example, if the people in Africa or France believe that under certain circumstances that it's okay to be topless, it doesn't mean that that's okay. Once sin came into the world, the first thing we did was hide. At that point in time we had to wear clothes because we had been exposed to sin. We were no longer innocent.
So, if a culture deems it's okay to be topless, it's not because the Bible would suggest otherwise.
(CONT)
I understand your point in that we cannot go into another city or country and start pushing our conservative agenda or convictions (when in Rome, do as the Romans do), however, I do believe that it must be a part of the game plan. People in Africa (despite their beliefs and circumstances) must be cultured to wear clothes. They must be cultured on when it is okay to partake in certain activities. They must be cultured on a lot of things. They are not without excuse in God's eyes.
So in some ways, your point in that it's a heart-thing is understood and well-taken, on the other hand I do believe that it's important to put the God's culture above any other culture.
Jon
"People in Africa (despite their beliefs and circumstances) must be cultured to wear clothes. They must be cultured on when it is okay to partake in certain activities. They must be cultured on a lot of things. They are not without excuse in God's eyes."
I'm not sure I agree with this statement? Are they to be "cultured" to wear clothes according to the Western Standard? And which Western Standard? And why?
I'm head of the modesty brigade but something about that sentence isn't sitting right with me. Not sure why.
I'm w/ you, Michelle. You simply cannot say that Africans are "wrong" b/c they don't wear what we wear. Exactly what "culture" do you "culture" them to?! Our culture is certainly NOT the Biblical standard (far from it – yikes!). And the Bible doesn't specify what clothing we are to wear. It discusses not causing others to stumble or sin, but doesn't not indicate exactly what that looks like. Sure, sin entered, and humankind felt shame, but it doesn't say what all they covered, or that they ran and made jeans and t-shirts! We don't know what all they covered, or what they then expected others to cover. It's just not as simple as saying that b/c Westerners decided to wear certain clothes, everyone should. Culture DOES play a part … WE have sexualized the bare breasts … OUR culture (among others) has decided they are to be objectified. That simply isn't true in many, many other cultures, and therefore there ARE different standards.
cont'd
It is NOT the breasts themselves that are sinful. They are a body part designed for feeding babies and providing pleasure. There is nothing wrong with them. There is something wrong with misusing our bodies and sinning with our bodies. In many, many indigenous cultures, the breasts are simply NOT viewed as sexual – they are functional. There is no sin there b/c they don't VIEW them in a sinful way (i.e. lusting when they see them). Sin is what we DO with things, not the things themselves.
We need to remain VERY aware that "our" view of what is "God's culture" is completely biased by our own worldview, our own temptations, our own sin, our own biases. It's simply not as black and white as we would like it to be.
Oh … love the conversation going on.
First, have to say, I cannot believe the links that "Blah, blah, blah" and Cassie gave. Too funny! But … LOVE the limericki.com link that Cassie shared.
We have 6 boys and 6 girls. Modesty has been a big focus of our spiritual training/parenting. We have wanted our girls to not be ashamed of their bodies, but to respect them enough to know that modesty is important. We have also wanted to have standards at our house, so that our boys were not continually bombarded with seeing half-naked girls (their sisters or their sisters' friends).
We used to have a backyard swimming pool and a boat. So, swimming suits were often worn by our kids and their friends. Our "guidelines" were that our girls wore 1 piece suits (this was before tankinis were invented). If a friend arrived in a 2 piece bikini, we would politely ask them to throw on a t-shirt (and we had a large stack available for their use). We were also volunteer youth leaders, so we had teens at our place a lot. Some of the high school boys once thanked us for our guidelines, and told us that they were so frustrated that their parents didn't have such standards for their younger sister and her friends. (They also had a backyard pool, that was often filled with half-naked young ladies.)
Sometimes, Bianca, I think it is good to have hard and fast "rules". Sometimes we cannot help but offend people. So, I must say, that I see absolutely nothing appropriate about wearing a bikini. Nothing. I see absolutely nothing in God's Word that would excuse a woman to show so much of her skin in public. Plain and simple … a bikini cannot help but "cause a brother to stumble". I do not believe it is possible for a man to look at a woman in a bikini and not have impure thoughts. Yes. Men need to be able to control their thoughts … but placing half-naked women parading in front of them is not the appropriate method of taming temptation.
I do not want my husband to see other women's breasts, and I do not believe that my husband would like other men looking at my breasts. It's just not right, nor godly, in any way.
Just this week, I am praying about how to approach the girlfriend of one of my young adult sons. I am shocked at the shirts that she wears (which have been getting lower as the summer has heated up). It is to the point that I don't want my husband or any of my sons having conversations with her while she is dressed in such a way. It's just not necessary for them to be looking at her breasts. (She comes from a non-believing family, and has had no training in areas such as this.)
As for Africa … (I have traveled their twice, so I am "in the know") … IF I was in a relationship with an African woman THAT WAS A BELIEVER, I would gently explain the issue of modesty with her, just as I would explain to African BELIEVERS that sex outside of marriage is ungodly (which is very cultural). Just because something is acceptable for a culture, does not mean that it is acceptable by God's Holy Word. (It is also acceptable in many African nations for young children to be involved in sexual relationships. Should we, then, not say anything about it, because it is "culturally acceptable"? No!!! We must do all that we can to stop the ungodliness that is literally killing the nations of Africa. While immodesty, in and of itself, does not cause death … it can certainly lead to unhealthy sexual relationships … which can lead to AIDS … which can lead to death …)
Yes … it is not all about the "rules" … it is a "heart issue". But, along with discussions and training that lead to working on heart issues, sometimes we also needs some rules or guidelines.
Mama D.
I love your reply and If i could have said it this well I would have. Hopefully you get a chance to read this because I know that I am a little.
I totally agree with you rules are good, wether you are in Pittsburgh or LA. I think sometimes because we don't want to get caught up in being 'religious' we want to be tolerant of too much. And we tend to throw basic requirements out the window. Now I know we can't go around telling everyone in a bikini to put on a t-shirt but we can take modesty seriously and teach our children well.
With all that being said I want to add also that, if your heart is in the right place your clothes and swim suits will follow! Just like with anyother standard God has for us. Because lets face it, we may not be bound by 'old testament laws' now but God still has a standard for us. thanks! lov ethis discussion and love the lime ricki site!
For me, I try to keep the rule of "don't cause a brother to stumble." I keep that in mind in how I dress and also that I'm a representative of the Lord. That being said, I do think a Christian woman can be feminine and beautiful. I don't need to be prudish; I can be trendy but as I do so be selective so as not to expose areas of myself that would demean my reputation and words as I speak on behalf of God.
Wow. I can't believe the conversation that your VLOG has prompted. Kudos!
Anyway, I have ALWAYS been modest. It isn't something I got from my parents. There wasn't training either way. I always wore one piece suits or tankinis with the exception of ONE trip to Hawaii with my husband. I wore a (conservative) two piece and felt horribly insecure the entire time.
Fast forward to my daughter. I never made a RULE for her. But we've always had conversations about what is appropriate to show and what isn't. She has adopted modest choices in her clothing, too. (p.s. Don't get me started on how hard it is these days to find CUTE modest clothes for 12 year olds).
Anyway, I love that you pointed out the heart issue here. I have a niece who also has always worn one piece swimsuits… and yet, the body movements that she makes while wearing a one piece are not modest. A swimsuit (or any article of clothing) is not modest in and of itself. So making lists of approved and unapproved items of clothing isn't nearly as important to me as helping to shape attitudes about what is appropriate and honorable for my daughter. And we've had these conversations since she was three years old. She's now 12 and it has been rainbows and daisies dressing her. 😉
And lastly at 34 yrs old (married 12 years) I can NOW say I'm so glad that I've always been modest. I'm so glad that there is much of me physically that is reserved for my husband. There is value to both of us in terms of our not sharing parts of ourselves with the whole world and reserving those parts for each other. 😉
I kind of wandered in off the street…
I don't want to derail, but one of the things that give me pause about the idea of modesty in dress is that it always seems to be a one-way street. Occasionally I'll hear a Christian man talking about wearing a shirt to the beach, but most of the Christian men I know will avail themselves of their societal privilege to go shirtless while at the beach, running, playing sports. The usual argument is that women are less likely to be tempted like that than men, but… most of the women I know think a shirtless man looks good, and most will feel inclined to look. Some will not look, out of respect. Some will look to enjoy. Some will just think he's part of the scenery. So, I don't think we can explain the discrepancy simply by saying, "Women are less likely to be tempted."
The other thing is kind of hard to express… while I think it's good for women and men to dress modestly out of respect for the people around them, I don't think it's right or acceptable to blame them for what happens if they don't. For example, if some guy dances in front of me naked, it's not a sin for me to be tempted– being tempted is something in which you play no part, and even Christ was tempted. But if I go along with the temptation at all and think things about him that I shouldn't, then it's my fault– especially if I have the opportunity to leave, and don't. I don't get to blame him; I am at fault, no matter how "natural" of a reaction it seems– after all, I am the one who was allowed my brain to be programmed to react a certain way to a random naked man. I'm certainly not advocating that people go around dancing naked in front of others– it wouldn't be respectful– but I don't think it's their fault if the others think about them inappropriately.
The reason I bring that point up is that frequently I'll read about a woman some man raped, and someone'll say, "Well, what was she wearing?" But the thing is, there is nothing any woman can wear that will prevent someone else from lusting after her. I get unwanted attention on the street when I'm wearing baggy pants and a baggy shirt, covered from collarbone to ankle and shoulder to elbow. So when people talk about, "Oh, she shouldn't have worn something that tempted someone," well, it hits home because actually, there's nothing really I can do about the fact that people choose to look at me in an invasive and demeaning way.
So my reaction to modesty issues is this: I want to be respectful to those around me, but I don't want to contribute to the idea that people are responsible to keep those around them from lusting after them. I don't want to contribute to the idea that there's something damaging about specifically female sexuality instead of sexuality in general in the wrong context. I want men to do their part– not just trying not to ogle women, but at least acknowledging that women struggle with lust, too. I want to see that our response to this, instead of blaming women and telling them to cover up (which is NOT a reference to any of the comments here), is to work for a society where neither men nor women are objectified– whether explicitly or subtly, whether in clothing ads, beer ads, movies, TV, commercials, book covers, billboards, whatever.
Aydan, I totally appreciate where you're coming from.
There are SO many conversations about what women should and shouldn't be wearing (& whether should or shouldn't be preachers & should or shouldn't be working if they have children & should or shouldn't ever pray with/counsel a man & on and on). It's quite tiring really…
I worked at a very large, well-respected Christian sports camp during two of my college summers. The place was chocked full with athletic young men and women. The dress code for female staff was stereotypically detailed (no sleeveless shirts, WTH?!) while male staffers were even permitted to come to MEALS with NO SHIRTS at all! No freaking joke. These were NOT your typical pasty church boys, half of them looked like Greek gods, their bodies adorned with beads of sweat glistening in the summer sun…
When I mentioned to some of the leadership that it was a bit of a distraction trying to eat breakfast with nipples in plain view, they just shrugged it off.
I don't know why the same level of responsibility is not required of men that is required of women. I really don't. Perhaps because Paul wrote about causing "your brother" to sin, people only think that "brothers" should be shielded?
As for myself, I've been living in Seoul, Korea for the past two years where the typical dress for young women here is high heels and a mid-thigh skirt. It doesn't matter if it's school, work or church. When I first got here, it was quite shocking especially because I found myself being STARED at by women and men alike when I wore tank tops during the summer!!! (I'm only an A cup, ain't that much to see here folks!) They find the showing of shoulders provocative yet wearing only "crotch covers" as skirts—they get pretty short out here!—doesn't cause a blink. Since being here, I've given up on tank tops and taken up length mid-thigh skirts. lol
Basically, I adjust to the culture I'm and just wear what feels comfortable. The Holy Spirit is always faithful to let me know when He's uncomfortable with what I'm wearing and that's what really matters!
Great topic!
I am a Pastor's wife/church planters wife in sunny South Florida where 90 degree weather is the norm. Ft. Lauderdale and Miami is filled with an incredibly wide range of clothing choices. 🙂 I hear what you are saying about modesty being first an issue of the heart. But, with a topic that is not only addressed in scripture, but also taboo in our culture today, I think we as believers have to take a stand one way or the other. This is one of those issues that may have some gray areas but for the most part, we can determine what is helpful and not helpful when choosing what to wear. (I think there are some major obvious no-no's and then some things that are negotiable.)
Of course it starts with a heart check and then should flesh out into practical tips to encourage young girls and women to make wise choices about their clothing, etc. You can be trendy and modest. It takes some hard work though. You have to be creative and intentional.
Being married for almost 8 years now, my husband is my best guide towards achieving modesty. I think that when I choose modesty, I honor my husband and our martial covenant. It sends a loud message to my husband and to the world that I don't seek any mans attention or any woman (or mans) approval. My womanly features (which are often the parts that are exposed when dressed immodestly) are reserved only for my husband within the privacy of our marriage relationship. We need to set this example for the next generation constantly. I love to shop and love trends and fashion…but the culture cannot set the bar for how I will dress..or speak…or act.
We have to make a difference in the world, by being different from the world. If we are not different, how will a lost and dying world know the grace and freedom found in Jesus' work on the cross?
I love how CJ Mahaney defines modesty: "For a Christian woman, modesty is humility exemplified in the way we dress." I just love that! It's so practical and so true! 🙂
I don't think modesty should be a legalistic task but instead should be a desire for all believers to strive for so that even in the area of clothing, God would be glorified and the world would look and say, wow, Christians don't need to be known by what they wear but are known for what they do and Who they do it for.
There is an interesting survey done by The Rebelution blog on a guys take on modesty: http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/
From a Pastor's wife who loves to shop and loves to be on the up and up with the latest trends, I can say that modesty takes some planning and intentionality. Even some simple and practical tips can help women make small steps towards seeing the way they dress as an opportunity to glorify God and to honor their husbands (or future husbands).
At our church, I always try and set a good example in this area. It's a sensitive issue but one that can be addresses with grace and care. I had a lady a few years ago bend over to retrieve a Bible from underneath a cabinet at our Welcome Center. I immediately could see down her shirt as she bent over. I walked over to her and quietly whispered in her ear: "Hey chica, don't forget to put your hand over your blouse when you bend over." I hugged her to affirm her and she said, "Oh my goodness, I didn't even realize that! Thank you so much for pointing that out to me!" Gentleness and grace will go a long way when dealing with a sensitive issue like this. There have been times though when those conversations haven't gone so well. Haha. Again, God has to do the work in the heart first…some women just aren't ready to receive gentle correction and are not willing to let go of their need for attention or whatever the reason may be… We are all in different places but we have to be willing to care for one another and spur one another on towards becoming more like Jesus and less about ourselves.
(Continued…)
GREAT thoughts! Thanks!
(Continued here…my post was too long…haha)
A few things I try and implement in my own modesty journey are:
1) No cleavage rule. (V-necks are almost always not helpful. Tankinis are my BFF. Large chested women have told me it's not possible to cover up their cleavage. Ummm…yeah…ok. It's possible! Trust me. But, you have to want to.)
2) If I wear a tank-top or strapless top, I make sure I am at an appropriate function (with the girls, at a picnic outdoors, when it's super hot out, etc.) and I make sure no cleavage is showing and that it's not too tight or form fitting.
3) Dresses these days are more like shirts. Let's be honest. I bought 2 dresses at Forever 21 yesterday and the tags said "Dress". Yeah right!? I will be wearing mine with jeans or leggings as a tunic. Upper thigh exposure is a no-no in my world.
4) No bra straps exposed…that's just tacky. 🙂
5) I am a born and raised South Florida beach girl…bathing suits are tough. But, it's not about me. So, I stick with tankinis and cute vintage-inspired one pieces. I will glam them up with a brooch and throw a sarong on and a big floppy hat to go with it. It's super cute and modest. If you wear the big chunky sunglasses with it, people may even think you are a celebrity. Wink. 😉
We live in a depraved and sin-filled world. Men and women will always be fighting against lust, attention, etc. Churches need to teach their men to be men. Respect women. Lead your families. Care for and protect your wife. Women need to respect themselves (and men too…hehe), honor God by honoring their bodies, and be know for the good works they do instead of how the look or who's attention they are seeking. You are accountable for YOU. You are not responsible for how someone else sees you or for their relationship or non-relationship with God. You have to make the choice. It's a good choice to make. A God-honoring choice.
Anyhow, that's it for me. Just my two sense. The Gospel is not an American Gospel…it's THE Gospel to the ends of the earth. Scripture is applicable in every tongue and ever tribe and every nation. In light of the Gospel at work in our lives, we should be desiring to be more like Jesus and less like the world in every area of our life. Modesty is one of those areas. In a sex-saturated culture, I will try my best to pave the way for the "modest is hottest" mentality…for God's glory! 🙂
Happy weekend!! 🙂
Joyfully,
Melissa *Elswick http://www.melissaelswick.com
Twitter: @melissaelswick
(PS: I haven't read through all of the comments above, so nothing I have said in my comment response is aimed at anyone specifically. Just my two sense to add to the dialogue. Thanks!)
Bianca,
You have blogged several times about modesty, purity, and the condition of the heart, but I have seen your engagement photos online and I must say that I am very, very confused, not to mention saddened by what I have seen. Your tight-fitting, low-cut attire in those photos was anything BUT modest, as well as some of your positions/stances with your fiance. His hands are very close to places they shouldn't be (you are not married yet) and in several photos he is very closely pressed against parts of your body that he shouldn't be. Aren't you sending a mixed message? I know personally that a lot of young women look up to you. I feel that you are basically telling them it is ok to dress immodestly and to appear to be quite physical with a man who is not your husband (it just appears that way from the pictures). There are also a lot of guys who may be caused to stumble by this. Shouldn't we care about the spiritual well-being of our brothers in Christ? I am not writing this to be rude, I just really felt it should be addressed, as you are in a very visible position of ministry. Please pray about these things.
Thank you!
Oh, this topic sometimes runs me insane because there are so many different opinions from so many respectable Christians and it can become somewhat overwhelming. Regarding swimsuits, I think one peice and tankinis are totally fine. Your right, it is about the heart behind it all. I think that many girls see all these people (Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, Lady Gaga, Beyonce, etc.) and try and copy what they wear, which can extremely immodest, but I believe that as long as your cover everything that is meant to be covered and don't wear anything too low or too short it is fine. Again, like you said it's about the heart that person has and also it's what you feel God wants that matters most. Have a wonderfully blessed weekend!!! 🙂 Love you!!
Oh Honey…I am all for bikini's….in my backyard! I am NOT about to go to the beach and shake what my mama AND my children gave me! 😉 So yes, I wear a moo-moo. Seriously!
It's a heart check, but it's also an "eye" check for the company you are keeping…how can we foster an environment where we aren't trippin' up our brothers in the Lord? And I am fully aware it doesn't have to be a bikini I'm wearing, but I'm just saying it's something to think about if it's obvious. If I am wearing a suit and I notice a little more downward glances, I just feel uncomfortable. And in my BC (before children) days, it has happened. So I, personally, err on the side modesty…and moo-moos!
So confused.
I am all for modesty…but I like bikinis – I like my stomach to get some tan, I don't like allot of wet material touching my skin after I get out of water … I also happen to be pretty, uhm, flat on top, so I don't feel like I am going to cause anyone to stumble.
There are different types of bikinis too. Am I wrong?
I come from a culture (eastern europe) in which women are very objectified. It is very common for them to dress extremely provocatively.
However, here I've seen another extreme – very careless, tasteless clothed women. There are younger girls who wear baggy sweats and t-shirts and still behave and talk very immodestly…
I feel for men, but know that their modesty in thinking and selecting on where to fix their glances is still their responcibility..
Sometimes I think that if there was something so wrong with baring our midriffs, you wouldn't see so many Christian men doing it.
You can get bikini tops that don't let everything hang out. I wear mine with board shorts because I'm not comfortable wearing the short-short bottoms of one-pieces and bikinis.
This is hilarious b/c I just returned from Miami about 2 hours ago and WOW the swimsuits and lack there of…just WOW! Anywho! I was definitely in need of re-reading your blog post about prejudices and being judgmental. I was honestly trying not to say "WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!" the entire trip. Based on that experience, I honestly think some people just go overboard. Culturally speaking – I'm an American born and raised in the south. My family and I live in the Bible belt so there was always talk of what was appropriate to wear growing up. I'm a person that is just all about comfort…but my upbringing is def a factor in what I choose to wear so bathing suits for me are whatever is comfortable and not exposing certain areas of my body – bikinis and one pieces are fine…even nudity is fine with me (laying out on the beach). But someone frolicking and gallivanting around to be the center of attention is where the problems arise. Like you said, it's partly what a person is wearing (or not), but it's more about how a person is acting while wearing or not wearing.
I feel like it's about who you're dressing for, and why.
If you're dressing for that guy that you secretly have a crush on who is married – to get his attention without actually appearing immodest – then no matter what you're wearing, you've crossed a line.
I am a P.K. but I was a cheerleader for 12 years… Modesty used to take a back seat at cheerleading practice when we wore just sports bras and shorts. Not to mention our skirts were a hand past our but sideways to determine length. I am now an assistant cheer coach and Youth Pastor. We now buy fitted tanks for practice clothes so hands don't get twisted like with t-shirts but the girls are fully covered!
When I was in youth group we all wore two pieces. Our mom's actually made us jump up and down in the dressing rooms along with running in place to make sure we wouldn't "fall out." Modesty was never discussed in our youth group gatherings. I always thought I dressed modest until I realized in college that I dressed modest next to cheer practice standards not next to Godly standards.
Before summer when I do the modesty/ bathing suit rules I always tell this true story… When I was about 12 I was swimming in a friend's pool with our entire youth group dressed in two pieces. My friend pulled me aside and told me to put on his t-shirt. I laughed at him until he told me that his grandpa's friend was talking about me and he (my friend) was very embarrassed by it and wanted me to wear a shirt till his grandpa's friend left. When I tell this story I add that you never know who like this man could be looking at you when we are at the pool, the lake, or the beach.
OH! I also tell buys to make sure their hip bones do NOT show because that is just as bad!
To the comment above (AirEelle), thanks for mentioning the guys/hip bones thing. My son has just joined a swim team. All the girls are wearing one pieces (as you typically see in swimming for sports) and guys are wearing knee-length spandex swim shorts (also typical). I remind my son to keep his shorts pulled above his hip bones, too, to keep his own body modestly covered (as modestly as you can in the sport of swim). Modesty is not just for girls. 🙂
I wear a bikini and I like it! But I don't have my butt or boobs hanging out and I don't sit there slathering tanning oil over my body and saying haaaaaiiii there boys! In the summer, I wear shorts and short skirts because it's blasted hot here and I don't have air conditioning in my car. Also, I like my legs. They're my favorite feature. But I don't hike up my skirt and bend over so someone can see my panties.
I have seen teenage girls show up to church in their "modest" outfits while being pregnant. They're not fooling anyone. I want to look good, and I don't mind for my beauty to be admired, but I don't feel that I act in a way that inspires men to lust. If they are determined to, they will even if I'm wearing a turtleneck and a trench coat and it's not my problem.
Your response confuses me a little, Kayla. It seems like you're saying that if a teenage woman conceives a child with a man, she should give up all attempts at modesty– that seems illogical. If her boyfriend comes to church with her, does it strike you as odd that *he* doesn't let it "all hang out?"
After all, as Christians, we don't believe in anything like a "one strike and you're out" rule (thank goodness!) 🙂
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